- Charity
I was recently asked to speak about eating disorders and body image at Mary’s Shelter, a shelter for homeless and pregnant teenage girls in Southern California. Many of the residents there were struggling with eating disorders. Can you imagine how excited these hormonal, pregnant teens were to hear that a pretty, nice, cheerful woman they have never met was coming in to talk to them about their freaky behaviors around food? Yeaaaaaaah…. Exactly, ”Welcome to The Lions Den Irvina!” Just to give you a little background, I’ve worked in an eating disorder rehab with the homeless and with teenagers –And I have come to the conclusion that there is ONE significant thing all of these people have in common…what do you think it is? Are you ready? Are you guessing? It is, they are HUMAN! Yes, ‘THEY’ are exactly like YOU and I. ‘THEY’ have feelings and are actually quite ashamed, scared and frightened of what lies ahead of their lives. Hmmm…maybe kind of like you and I? Considering I had this morsel of knowledge about these girls I’ve never met, I thought back and considered, in the past …
When I was living with the shame of my eating disorder…
When I got fired from my job….
When I was single ( like, forever)….
When I feared that no one would ever love me….
When I struggled with depression…
When I thought I was a sucky writer…
When I thought I couldn’t start a non-profit on my own…
….When all of this happened, what helped me walk out of all of that shame and fear?
The answer: Owning it.
Owning it means saying,
“Yep, I have an eating disorder, and I’m gonna keep asking people to help me through it.”
“Yep, I got fired. They think I’m a princess, and they’re totally right. Time to make some calls.”
“Yep, I think I might suck at writing, but maybe I’m wrong. So, I’m gonna keep typing.”
“Yep, I’m gonna start this non-profit alone because I need to and I can.”
What I tried to communicate to the pregnant teens was that I don’t know much about their personal stories and there are aspects I would never be able to relate to, but I do know that eating disorders are not about food or body image – they are about disowning who we are; the good and the bad. I told them that the unfortunate thing that happens to many of us in life is that we hear a message that what we have to offer just isn’t good enough…and I told them that this message is a straight up lie from the very pit of hell. I can be a little dramatic it’s the Latina in me.
What I know for a fact is that when I walk outside of my house in the morning, I take ALL OF ME with me, and all of me is equal parts good and bad and completely BEAUTIFUL. And what makes other people know I’m beautiful is that I OWN IT. I own my successes and my failures. I own my pride and my (occasional) humility. I own the people I’ve hurt and the people I have helped. I’m a better woman because I’ve failed just as much as I’ve succeeded.
What I want these girls to know and what I want you (our readers) to know is that no matter if you’re a homeless teen mother, struggling with an addiction, have depression, are unemployed or have hurt more people than you can count, it is your job to OWN WHO YOU ARE and to USE who you are. USE your past to not only create a healthier, abundant future for yourself, but you almost might consider wanting to use some of that wisdom to prevent others from experiencing the same pain. A woman who has the ability to OWN IT is definitely a TRUE BEAUTY.
If you would like more information on volunteering, donating or partnering with Mary’s Shelter please visit: http://www.teenshelter.org
